What Every Step Mom Wants To Hear

As I have written before, I am now part of a blended family. I am realizing more and more how much it means and how fortunate I am. It is not easy being so far from my side of the family, in fact it is very hard, but I can't imagine life without my husband Rick. He is one of the most loving men I have ever known and I am so blessed. As I said before, I am twice blessed in husbands. (NO, I do not currently have two husbands! Willie and I were married for almost 30 years when he went home to be with the Lord.)

I am also doubly bless with family. While I cry over missing my children and grand kids in ME, I know this is where God wants me now. God has answered my prayers with step children that love me and I them. One of them trusts me with her most precious possession, her daughter.

I have written about Scout in a previous blog, and the joy she brings, the easing of my missing family by watching her learn and the keeping me busy which wards off self pity. However today I want to tell you that I am so fortunate as a step mom also. This week I received a note from Scout's mom. It is a note that every step mom would love to get and I want to share some excerpts with you. I hope Katie does not mind, but I cry every time I look at this note.

"... I Love Scout more than I ever believed possible. She is such a beautiful child in every way and I know that is with your help. We are absolutely the blessed ones to have you looking after her every day. I can't imagine having to take her to anyone else. She is growing so fast and learning so much and I know if she were anywhere else we wouldn't know what all she was starting to do because to anyone else Scout would just be a job, and I know that isn't what she is with you. The older she gets, the more I want to stay home with her, but knowing she is with you makes all the difference. We truly are blessed to have you in our lives. Not only as Scouts' Grammie but as our mom also. .... from that first time I met you when I had gone to help Dad clean the house before you got there, any uneasiness I had went away. It was amazing how well you just fit from then on. So now I feel just as lucky to have you as I do Jay[her step dad], what society labels as a broken home is now two whole, happy homes. ... This family needed your loving, giving spirit. I know we can't fill the void you have from not seeing all your kids and grand kids all the time but I hope you do know that we love you and are thankful that you are in our lives. "

She started by saying she does not have a way with words, well, she sure does to me, It is what every step mom would love to hear. Thank You Katie (and please do not be mad at me for putting it in here!)

My Blended Familly

I am in a place I never thought I would be in. A long time ago I learned to never say never, but I found out that "I will not" is the same as saying "never".

My first husband went to heaven in 1999, we knew he was going to die at any time for about 3 years so we often had talks about it. One such talk happened a year before his death. Willie told me he wanted me to remarry and that he was praying for the man I was to marry and that God would bring him into my life as soon as possible. He told me he felt I would be moving to another state, away from my kids. I became upset and told him a few things!

1. I was NOT moving away from the kids and grand kids. I was staying in Maine and wanted to live near the ocean. He said: Don't limit God, He has plans for you.
   
2. I was NOT going to remarry unless it was someone who had never been married before. I did not want to be compared. He said don't limit God. he has plans for you.
   
3. I was NOT going to marry someone who was divorced. Again, don't limit God, He has plans.
4. I am NOT going to marry anyone with kids, you know how step mothers get treated and what people think. Guess what? He had the same answer, but told me I was a good mother and it would be fine if that was what God wanted. He then told me to begin praying for the person God has for my next husband. Pray for what he is going through that will make him ready for me and available when the time comes.
5. I said OK, but inside I knew I was NOT going to do any of these things!

I did pray though, and prayed that if I did marry someone with kids that we would blend and be a family, that there would be no animosity towards me and that I would be able to love them right away.

First thing that happened after Willie died was God moved me away from my family for 2 years and had me in a ministry that I never thought I would do. He also showed me a number of guys who had never married and I could see why they never married.

I met Rick 5 years after Willie's death. And guess what? He was divorced, had kids and lived in another state! So now I find myself where I thought I would never be:

1. I am now in Texas...long way from Maine!!!
2. I am a step mom to three married children
3. I love all my kids... all 8 of them, their spouses and their kids!

I find that it is hard at times, very hard, when I can't be with part of the family. The 5 children I gave birth to are in Maine and one in NC, I have 11 grand kids that I do not get to see much. Holidays and birthdays are tough. Our wonderful daughter-in-law just lost her grandfather and we could not be there, it hurts. Yet I know this is where God wants me and He has given me blessings beyond belief.

I have three step children and their spouses that love me and are like my own kids. We are amazed at how all eight of them look similar and would pass for blood relatives.

Their babies know me as grammie, just like the ones we have in other states. In fact I babysit one of them every day while her parents work and she IS my grandchild. We have a son in the hospital right now from a bad accident, I feel what a mom feels at this time, no different.

I am so thankful that God has given me more family. No, I do not like being so far apart and wish we all could be closer. I know that my family in Texas and my family in Maine and NC would get along and easily be one family.

Are you part of a blended family? Let go of the hurts, fears and past. Do your best for peace. This year I was thinking of Christmas and the family getting together. I can't get to be with the kids in Maine and NC, but have the family here. I saw how last year they were torn, spouses family, their mom and then us. A lot for one day. Since their mom lives 3 hrs away and drives here to have Christmas with the kids I decided to invite them to our house. It is a big step for my husband, but we want the past to be past and to move on. We are a family, with children and grandchildren. This is what I can do for my new family. Find what you can do to blend yours in peace.

While it is hard to be so far from my birth family, mom, sisters, brothers, kids and grand kids, I feel blessed with what God has given me. I laugh at the "I am NOTs" I gave my first husband and see how he was right all along. I am so blessed and have been blessed twice, both with my first husband and family of 29+ years and my second husband and now larger family of 2.75 years. Two wonderful men and now one blended family.