Saturday, October 13, 2007

My Blended Familly

I am in a place I never thought I would be in. A long time ago I learned to never say never, but I found out that "I will not" is the same as saying "never".

My first husband went to heaven in 1999, we knew he was going to die at any time for about 3 years so we often had talks about it. One such talk happened a year before his death. Willie told me he wanted me to remarry and that he was praying for the man I was to marry and that God would bring him into my life as soon as possible. He told me he felt I would be moving to another state, away from my kids. I became upset and told him a few things!

  1. I was NOT moving away from the kids and grand kids. I was staying in Maine and wanted to live near the ocean. He said: Don't limit God, He has plans for you.
  2. I was NOT going to remarry unless it was someone who had never been married before. I did not want to be compared. He said don't limit God. he has plans for you.
  3. I was NOT going to marry someone who was divorced. Again, don't limit God, He has plans.
  4. I am NOT going to marry anyone with kids, you know how step mothers get treated and what people think. Guess what? He had the same answer, but told me I was a good mother and it would be fine if that was what God wanted. He then told me to begin praying for the person God has for my next husband. Pray for what he is going through that will make him ready for me and available when the time comes.
  5. I said OK, but inside I knew I was NOT going to do any of these things!
I did pray though, and prayed that if I did marry someone with kids that we would blend and be a family, that there would be no animosity towards me and that I would be able to love them right away.

First thing that happened after Willie died was God moved me away from my family for 2 years and had me in a ministry that I never thought I would do. He also showed me a number of guys who had never married and I could see why they never married.

I met Rick 5 years after Willie's death. And guess what? He was divorced, had kids and lived in another state! So now I find myself where I thought I would never be:
  1. I am now in Texas...long way from Maine!!!
  2. I am a step mom to three married children
  3. I love all my kids... all 8 of them, their spouses and their kids!
I find that it is hard at times, very hard, when I can't be with part of the family. The 5 children I gave birth to are in Maine and one in NC, I have 11 grand kids that I do not get to see much. Holidays and birthdays are tough. Our wonderful daughter-in-law just lost her grandfather and we could not be there, it hurts. Yet I know this is where God wants me and He has given me blessings beyond belief.

I have three step children and their spouses that love me and are like my own kids. We are amazed at how all eight of them look similar and would pass for blood relatives.

Their babies know me as grammie, just like the ones we have in other states. In fact I babysit one of them every day while her parents work and she IS my grandchild. We have a son in the hospital right now from a bad accident, I feel what a mom feels at this time, no different.

I am so thankful that God has given me more family. No, I do not like being so far apart and wish we all could be closer. I know that my family in Texas and my family in Maine and NC would get along and easily be one family.

Are you part of a blended family? Let go of the hurts, fears and past. Do your best for peace. This year I was thinking of Christmas and the family getting together. I can't get to be with the kids in Maine and NC, but have the family here. I saw how last year they were torn, spouses family, their mom and then us. A lot for one day. Since their mom lives 3 hrs away and drives here to have Christmas with the kids I decided to invite them to our house. It is a big step for my husband, but we want the past to be past and to move on. We are a family, with children and grandchildren. This is what I can do for my new family. Find what you can do to blend yours in peace.

While it is hard to be so far from my birth family, mom, sisters, brothers, kids and grand kids, I feel blessed with what God has given me. I laugh at the "I am NOTs" I gave my first husband and see how he was right all along. I am so blessed and have been blessed twice, both with my first husband and family of 29+ years and my second husband and now larger family of 2.75 years. Two wonderful men and now one blended family.